I’m sure most parents have experienced the “meltdown”, slamming doors, kicking and screaming or the uncontrollable cry.
Understanding what’s going on in your child’s brain during a meltdown can significantly reduce the length of the episode and the stress for both parents and children.
My mentor and friend Dr Rinda Blom from Red Shoe Play Therapy Training Centre taught me a simple, logical way to understand the parts of the brain and how they interact together.
Inside the brain there is a policeman, a computer, a puppy and a crocodile.
The policeman is responsible for receiving content from the outside world and directing the information to the computer, who processes it and says, “What must I do with this and how must I respond?”
The computer then sends the information to the puppy who tells us how to feel about what we have seen and experienced.
Then there’s the crocodile (the reptilian brain), who lies quietly in wait. He’s responsible for keeping us safe and triggers our freeze, fight or flight response.
When a child experiences anything they perceive as threatening, the crocodile springs to action and can trigger a fight response, which results in kicking, screaming, fighting, and crying.
While the crocodile is awake and snapping, the logical brain cannot function, the computer is off, and no words can turn it back on. We must engage with the puppy.
So, instead of trying to explain to your angry or devastated child why their behaviour is unacceptable or illogical; pull them onto your lap, hold them tight, tell them that it’s going to be ok. Take deep breaths and help them to feel safe again.
Only once the crocodile has gone back to sleep, and the computer has had a chance to reboot do our words have any power. Only then, can you talk to your child about what made them feel unsafe, help them understand what about their behaviour was unacceptable and explore different ways to respond.
I hope that helps you as much as it helped me, and the next time your child’s crocodile starts snapping, you’ll remember to get help from the puppy!
